Finding Joy

A personal essay by Sarah Jacobsen

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without living happier." - Mother Theresa

Life is full of ups and downs, often a rollercoaster of emotions. Nothing in life is consistent. On my personal life's journey, I have come to learn that being joyful is a choice. It took me a long time to learn that- it is something I am still learning every day. I want to share some experiences that have enabled that mindset for me. Moments like the warm sun on my skin while I am on a run, the loving touch of a friend or family member, and the giggle of a young child now help me realize what really matters. It has not always been this way.

Joy in Training

Pain. That’s all I feel as my feet hit the rubber track in the gloomy March weather at East High School. My mom is cheering somewhere in the distance, but I am unable to make out what her voice is saying. My heart is pulsing harder than an elephant’s feet on the ground. My legs are screaming. My lungs are constricted, gasping for air. My insides are at the brink of explosion. My stomach does twists and turns like an Olympic diver. 

“400 meters of hell,” I think to myself. It seems to last forever, my legs endlessly completing the same motion that takes me nowhere. When I finally collapse at the finish line, I feel close to death. I can barely walk over to hug my mom, who I quickly tell that I will never do that ever again.

Over time, my legs become stronger. My endurance increases. I find myself developing “runner’s high.” I love how I feel every day after finishing a run. Running gives me a sense of purpose and meaning because I am stretching myself and accomplishing something incredibly difficult every day. My teammates become some of my best friends. I am discovering a new part of life that I never knew existed.

The smell of freshly mowed grass fills the air. The sun is warm on my skin. Adrenaline courses through my veins, and butterflies dance in my stomach. My time-worn spikes are tightly cinched around my feet. The sounds of cheering, heavy breathing, and feet pounding the pavement swirl through my ears. I am sad because it is the last time I will ever competitively run the 400 meter, the race I have come to love. This is the same race that I swore I would never run again at age 14. Looking back, I am glad that my mom counseled me to give it another chance. 

I am also overwhelmed with gratitude for the joy that running has brought me over my four years of high school. I consider what my teenage years would have been like without the Brighton High track and cross country experience I had the chance to be a part of. Something that once brought me so much pain was now one of my greatest sources of joy.

Discovering Outlets

I float past the finish line like a feather in the breeze. I feel good about how far my body has come over the past four years. I can relate to Melissa Inouye’s attitude about running. In her book Crossings, she says: 

“My calves seemed to emit little squeals of pleasure. The settled feeling in them started to pump itself out. My quads stretched and yawned. They snapped into every stride, feeling the shock that ran through my legs from the blacktop… This is what we do best! chirped every muscle in my body. This is the fun stuff!” (Inouye, 2019, p. 28).

Reading these words brought back so many memories from my competitive running days. During Melissa Inouye's missionary service for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, running brought her joy and peace amidst all of the chaos in her life. As a returned missionary for the same church, I can relate to her experience. At 6:30 every morning, my companion and I would go to the park in the early morning, and with most companions I ran laps as they did their own workout in the middle of the park. 

Some of my favorite memories from my mission are right after morning exercise- the California sun shining through the trees, endorphin levels high, body rejuvenated, and mind cleared. As a missionary, I live for the thirty minutes of exercise we are allotted every day. During the COVID-19 pandemic, we are sitting inside the apartment or a church building for most of the day. My body gets no stimulation outside of these thirty minutes in the early morning. All of the cancelled appointments, struggling investigators, companionship tension, and all of the other stresses that come with being a full-time missionary seem to roll off my back.

Luckily, running is not my only outlet as a missionary, or I would be miserable for the entirety of my time in California. Serving people and teaching them about Jesus Christ is like chicken soup for my soul. I am happier than I have ever been as I teach others about the Savior. I remember the distinct
moment I learned how happy service makes me.

It's For Them

Exotic bugs chirp on a humid summer night in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I sit with my humanitarian group and listen to our trip leaders tell us the challenges that would lay ahead as we would build a medical room for a boarding school in need. They play a song that will change my life forever. As I listen to the lyrics of “It’s Not About You,” my heart is filled with excitement and my mind is filled with a whole new perspective.

 “It’s not about you, it’s for the people who are blessed by what you do.” 

Tears fill my eyes as I come to realize the power of service and the joy it can bring. In my 18 years of life prior to this experience, everything I did was for myself. I had little experience with service, other than babysitting my younger siblings and the occasional youth group Humane Society trip. This experience stirs something inside of my soul. My outlook on life would never be the same.

I have come to the knowledge that I can overcome any challenge, because I can find joy in every single circumstance. Joy does not come from doing things for myself, it comes from doing things for others. After I do that, everything else will fall into place. 

I have had countless experiences in my life that have manifested this truth to me. I notice that nothing brings me more joy than making others happy. Ever since my experience in Thailand, I have made it my highest priority to spread love every single day because I know that nothing else brings as much joy as sharing the joy you have with others.