Fuel for the Soul

 A personal essay by Megan Brantley

“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything.” — Plato  

What keeps you going every day? What inspires you? For me, the answer is music. From the silly tunes I hum throughout the day to the soul stirring melodies and everything in between -- music is the fuel of my soul. I don’t know where I would be without music. All I know is that music has carried me through the hills and valleys of life. Music ignites my creativity, sparks hope and healing, and warms my soul.

Ignites Creativity

I first felt the moment of creativity one December evening over 15 years ago. I had just plucked out the tune Silent Night for the first time on the piano from memory without having learned it before and burst into tears.

“Mom, why am I crying?” I asked, wiping away my six-year-old tears. I didn’t understand what was happening to me - I wasn’t sad or hurt, so why was I crying? 

“Megan, do you feel happy and peaceful?” my mother responded to which I nodded. 

She continued to explain that I felt love and peace in that moment. As soon as those words left my mother’s mouth, it was like a light-bulb had turned on, and I knew what she said was true. Though I didn’t write the classic Christmas tune, my little six-year-old brain had created the tune from memory and that moment of creation filled my soul. Little did Joseph Mohr know that his beloved Christmas carol would be a foundation for a little girl in understanding the power of creating music in her life. This moment of creation connected her with something bigger than herself beyond her simple comprehension.

Sparks Hope and Healing

In Remembrance

“Lux aeterna, luceat eis, domine  (Let perpetual light shine on them, O Lord)

Turn to me and be gracious for my heart is in distress.

O God, my God why hast thou forsaken me?

My tears linger at night, but joy comes in the morning light.”

Fast forward 10 years, music once again changed my life in a way I can never fully comprehend. My grandfather, or as I called him Papa, passed away shortly after Christmas when I was 14. He had been in poor health for quite a while, yet his passing was just as hard as if it were unexpected. I remember our last conversation together - the last time he called me his princess. My family and I dealt with his passing and moved on with our lives. I believed I would see him again one day, but I didn’t find true hope and healing until months later. 

Hope and healing sometimes come when you least expect it or when you don’t even realize you need it. I thought I had come to terms with my Papa’s passing, but then I sang In Remembrance by Jeffery Ames in choir a few months later. The first time I heard this song, the lyrics pierced my heart along with the goosebump worthy harmonies and french horn accompaniment. I felt sparks of hope and healing that I didn’t even know I needed beforehand.

These lyrics clung to the wounds I had tried so hard to stitch up as I felt the wounds tear open again. I felt the anguish and anger at losing a loved one which I would feel again throughout the years. My heart was distressed, and I realized I had never allowed myself to truly grieve the passing of my grandfather because I wanted to have faith. Ame’s beautiful piece taught me that I can feel grief and that it was okay for me to feel the pain. 

The beauty of it all is that by letting myself feel the anger, sadness, and grief, I was then able to feel more complete peace and hope. The sparks of hope and healing that came from this work, turned into a flame of peace and joy that continued with me throughout my life. I learned that hope and healing really do come in the morning light. 

Warms the Soul

While we can feel hope and joy, life is hard! I don’t know about you, but life can get so overwhelming - so much to do, so many choices, and so many unknowns. You can get trapped in the cold, dark cave of worry and anxiety over what’s to come. It’s in those moments when music eased my worries and warmed my soul chasing out the chill of fear and anxiety. 

I recently felt this warmth wash over me when I attended a music devotional a few weeks ago. I had no clue the effect that evening would have on me as I was rejuvenated, enlighted, and excited for the future in a way that I hadn’t been for a while. I was reminded that even though life can be hard, the best is yet to come. 

The entire evening was filled with beautiful songs that warmed me from within, but the last song of the night was particularly inspiring. The two performers sang I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe. As soon as they struck the first chord, I was taken back to my childhood to when I first heard the song. I was probably around 11 or 12 when I first truly listened to the lyrics. I remember feeling enveloped with warmth while listening to the chorus as the words reminded me of what is to come. 

This memory filled my mind once again as I listened to the song that evening. I was reminded of my purpose, to have a bigger perspective, and to not let the stresses of life hold me down and keep me in the darkness of worry. I felt warmth and comfort in knowing that there is so much to look forward to in life and even beyond this life. 

I would not have felt the moments of creativity, sparks of hope and healing, and warmth in my soul that define part of who I am without music. I was fortunate to discover what fuels my soul in childhood, and my life would not be the same. Discovering what fuels your soul sometimes is a lifelong pursuit, and I would say it is one of the most worthy and greatest pursuits of life. 

Image Credits: Personal Photo